Have you noticed how fast public concern spreads when there’s an epidemic? Remember the Ebola virus in 2014? The international community exploded in panic. For weeks, the virus dominated headlines of every major news source. Experts from around the world jumped in to find effective treatments and implement preventative measures.
Why does that only happen with physical illness?
In the US, we’re in the midst of an epidemic that has caused more deaths than any virus. Yet few people discuss it.
Did you know, someone in the States takes their own life every 12 minutes? That’s 5 preventable deaths an hour. 120 deaths a day. 44,000 deaths a year. Every year. Those rates are steadily climbing, and studies of suicide contagion (aka suicide clusters) prove exposure can be as deadly as any disease.
So why aren’t we talking about it?
The only time this topic ever gets serious discussion is after the fact, and the comments are far from productive. Harsh judgment and criticism about the deceased being weak and cowardly only push others suffering from suicidal ideation into the shadows, making them less likely to seek help.
In other words, every round of public condemnation ensures someone else will die. We need to change the discussion and doing so is easier than you think.
Here are three simple things you can do to help build a more productive, less lethal conversation about suicide:
1. Exercise compassion - Regardless of how each person comes to the decision to die, the answer to the haunting question "why" is always the same: because they were in so much emotional pain, they couldn't think of any other way to make it stop. They often feel worthless, like a burden, like everyone they know would be better off without them. These aren’t people who deserve ridicule.
Even more important is that the deceased can’t read the callous words left online by strangers. Their family and friends, however, can. Imagine how it feels to be in the middle of mourning a crushing loss and read comments attacking the person you love.
Please, think before you post.
2. Don’t be afraid to say the word - People tend to treat the subject of suicide the same way they do teenage sex. If you talk about it, you’ll put ideas in someone's head. WRONG. Trust me, someone who is suffering enough to want to end their life has already thought of it. Several times.
Giving someone who is suicidal the space to talk about what they’re feeling can release some of the toxic emotions. That’s why suicide hotlines work. The counselors listen without judgment, without condemnation, and give people the freedom to say things they don’t feel they can say to anyone else. Those moments of release are lifesaving.
If you suspect someone you love might be suicidal, ask the question!
3. It’s not all the same - Many people don’t realize that depression is not a static condition. It’s a spectrum. A person’s place on that spectrum depends on many things and can change over time. That often means what works to control your depression won’t work for someone else.
I saw a flurry of comments about this several months ago, bloggers and public figures alike claiming that depression is easy to control because they’ve had it for years and they’re still alive. It’s an ignorant theory used to publicly condemn anyone who ends up so far down the spectrum that they consider taking their own life.
If all depression were the same, everyone would be on the same treatment plan, using the same drugs, with the same results. That’s not how it works. Some can control their depression with CBD oil and meditation. Some are on the strongest prescriptions available and still struggle to survive each day. I personally know people who fit into both categories and several points in between.
When someone says they’re hurting, recognize that they might be in a different place on the spectrum than you are. Being in crisis doesn’t mean they’re weak. It means they need help and that help may come in a form you have never used yourself.
As the saying goes, you don't know what someone else is dealing with. Especially if they’re determined to hide it. It’s best to approach these situations with empathy. Both out of respect for the person who ended their life and for the sake of the poor emotionally destroyed people they left behind. Ones who might be struggling in the grip of suicide contagion, a single harsh word away from ending it all.
If we can change the conversation about suicide to one of compassion and healing, we can save lives. I hope you’ll join me.
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