9 Stress Relief Ideas For People Who Don't Have Time for Stress Relief. #mentalhealth #selfcare

Over the last year, I've learned a lot about why it's important to make self-care a priority. The connection between mental and physical health is never more apparent than when you're pushed beyond your limits! 

The problem is, not everyone has time for self-care when they need it most. If you work at home or in an office where you're allowed to take breaks whenever the urge hits, it's easier to fit in those much-needed timeouts. However, what happens when you work in customer service or retail where breaks are strictly scheduled, stress is high, and you can't take a slow, wandering walk through the office (under the guise of using the restroom) to decompress anytime you need it?

For those of you with demanding jobs, rigid schedules, and lots of stress, here are a few tips for incorporating tiny bits of self-care and stress reduction into your hectic routine.


1. Give yourself a foot massage - Not only does it feel good after standing for hours, but your foot is home to one of several stress-reducing pressure points. Bring a bottle of your favorite lotion to work, pop off your shoes, and massage those tired feet! (It's probably best not to do this one in the breakroom while others are eating their lunch. Just saying...)

2. Cry - Did you know tears are a form of stress-relief? Whether from heartbreak, anger, or frustration, tears are how your body sheds excess amounts of the stress hormone cortisol. In small doses, cortisol is beneficial, but a chronic flow through your system can lead to things like high blood pressure, diabetes, or a weakened immune system. So if you feel like crying on the way home from work, don't hold back! Let those tears flow.

3. Take a break from social media - It can be tempting to use your break to stare at your phone, catching up on the morning's Twitter or Instagram drama. For some people, that's amusing. For some, it's a neverending source of anger and frustration. If you're one of the latter, put down the phone! Don't add to your stress by diving into someone else's drama. Instead, search for puppy and kitten pictures on Pinterest or, better yet, stay off social media entirely. 

4. Eat something healthy - When you're stressed, it's tempting to reach for comfort foods (chips, sweets, fatty foods). They might provide a short-lived bump in pleasure, but your body runs better on healthy food, and it's well documented that junk food (especially processed sugar) leads to worse depression and anxiety in the long run. Go for an apple and some almond butter or natural peanut butter instead.

5. Breathe out the stress - you don't have to be a meditation expert to use deep breathing to manage your stress. Close your eyes, lightly touch the thumb and index finger of each hand together, and take three slow, deep breaths from your diaphragm. This exercise is so fast and effective you can do it anywhere. Standing on the commuter train, between calls, between customers while you're checking them out at the cash register. 

The next time you feel stressed or sense anxiety starting to build toward a full-blown attack, touch your forefingers and thumbs together, hit the mute button on your headset, and start breathing. It's incredible how quickly it derails those sensations. 

6. Stretch - Stretching relieves tired muscles and improves blood flow. Take a few minutes of your break to do some simple stretching. 

7. Laugh - Laughter is a great stress reliever. Have a favorite comic queued up on Netflix or YouTube, put in your earbuds, and spend some time laughing.

8. Listen to a song that calms or inspires you - Whether you need rock with some attitude or soothing classical, spend a few minutes with your favorite playlist.

9. Games - Sometimes, what you need is to unplug from reality for a few minutes. Some of my favorite ways to 'check out' are with Wordscapes or Pipe Art. Whatever you choose, make it a game that doesn't add to your stress. If trying to beat the clock makes you tense, find a game that doesn't have a time limit.


The great thing about self-care is that it's as unique as you are. Not everything works for everybody, which means you're free to invent your own routine. One that fits your personality and schedule. Tell me in the comments about some of your favorite self-care or stress reduction methods.

Out of the Blue Playlist

Have you heard? The final book in the Blue Series is finally on the shelves at every single one of your favorite booksellers! 

I can't tell you how much I have loved writing these characters, watching their lives unfold. I hope you've enjoyed the ride as much as I have. I also hope it's the kind of series you go back and read all over again. I'll admit, I have.

Be sure to pop over to Spotify and listen to some of the random songs that helped inspire this story.

Out of the Blue Playlist

Writing Tips: Craft Your Writing Playlist #amwriting #writingtips

Whether published or still aspiring, we writers hear a lot about craft, plotting, and story arch. We talk about writing spaces and cover art, distractions and procrastination, coffee and tea. One thing we don't often discuss is music.

So let's talk about music!

Inspiration Begets Inspiration

For me, music is an important piece of writing. (Who am I kidding, it's an important piece of my life!) It's part of the continuous flow of inspiration that links all artists together. Whether we realize it or not, none of us creates in a vacuum. We're constantly feeding each other's muses.

For example, someone writes a story. It inspires a director to recreate the tale on screen. The film inspires a composer to add a musical translation (soundtrack), telling the story in their own way. That soundtrack inspires me while I'm writing a book. My book may one day inspire graphic art or more music, which inspires someone else. Around and around it goes!

Why Music

I use music as a (somewhat) subliminal queue. When I'm trying to write a story full of tension, it helps to listen to something packed with tension. That stress works its way into my writing through word choice and description. As you will find, it's difficult to write a slow, plodding scene when you have instrumental drama pulsing through your brain, challenging you to match the tempo.

It also helps me maintain the personality of characters when I'm working on a series. Hour after hour, listening to the same playlist links that story and those songs together (It helps to have a long playlist so you don't get bored.). When I start the next book, it reminds me of scenes and character personalities, helping me slip back into the story. When I'm ready to move on to a new series, I change playlists and begin again.

It can even be useful for writer's block. If you're used to writing while listening to a certain playlist, turn on the music and see if it kicks your muse back in gear.

Which Music

The music you choose is up to you. There's no right or wrong. Some people are fine working to a playlist of their favorite recording artists. Some prefer instrumentals. Some go for classical. Since lyrics tend to direct my thoughts too much, I prefer instrumental soundtracks from movies and video games (yes, video games have soundtracks!). Don't be afraid to play around with different things and see what works best for you.

If your story is in a certain setting (southern romance) or touches on a specific culture (visiting a foreign country), try using music that reminds you of those places.

My Blue Series Playlist

Here are a few favs on my current writing "soundtrack". I have go-to composers I can count on to create the perfect songs (Steve Jablonsky, Michael Salvatori, Ramin Djawadi), but thanks to Amazon Music and iTunes I'm always finding someone new!


The Dark Knight Rises Soundtrack

Transformers: Age of Extinction EP


Destiny Soundtrack

How To Help A Chronically-Depressed Friend. #mentalhealth #depression

I see posts all the time about how to help depressed friends. They give the same basic tips: listen without judgment, be supportive, check in on a regular basis. It's great advice!

But what happens when you have a friend with chronic depression? 

When someone you care about is perpetually in the dumps, it can be frustrating and draining. It can also take a toll on your own mental health.

I have an uncommon perspective. I battle chronic depression and suicidal ideation. I also have friends with similar issues so I've experienced this from both sides. Let me share a little of what I've learned over the years.* 

1. All depression is NOT the same -- I've said this before and I'm saying it again. Depression is a spectrum, people, not a single state of being. Some are lucky enough to meditate, exercise, or "gratitude" their way to a better outlook. Some, through no fault of their own, are not. Trust me, no amount of meditation will fix a chemical imbalance in the brain. Before you attempt to help your friend, recognize that they might be at a different place on the spectrum than anything you've experienced.


2. Empathy is key -- Think back to your worst day. The day you felt most defeated, your best efforts pointless, like a complete and utter failure. Nothing sounded like fun and you didn't want to do anything but sit in a corner and lick your wounds. 

Imagine feeling that every day for weeks, months, years despite every pep talk or lecture you give yourself. That's what it can be like to have chronic depression. It's relentless, an oppressive, smothering, almost tangible weight. The business of mere survival (breathing, eating, visiting the toilet, etc.) is exhausting.

It's also a legitimate mental health condition (not a sign of weakness or a brand of moral failure). Approach your friend as if they had a chronic, debilitating physical illness. No lectures or judgment. Just listen and be as supportive as you can.   


3. You can't fix it -- Unless you're professionally counseling your friend, it's not your job to "fix" them. Why? Because you can't. You might cheer them up temporarily but there is nothing you can do or say to keep the depression from returning. Even when properly medicated, there will still be bad days. 

That doesn't mean you give up on them. Bring them yummy treats when they're feeling low. (Remember what I said about mere survival being exhausting? Imagine how much effort it takes to cook when you can barely get out of bed.) Share a funny story to make them laugh. Go out for coffee. Watch a movie. Take a walk in the sun. It's all good. Every bit of positive connection with other people helps, but the darkness will always return. Accept that from the beginning.


4. Never assume -- Some of us who suffer from depression are better at hiding what we feel than others. Never assume everything's okay just because it looks that way from the outside. Check in with your friend and don't accept "I'm fine" as an answer. Make an agreement with them that when you ask how they're doing you'll only accept an honest response. In exchange, make the time to hear whatever they have to say.

Too many of us fell for that "I'm fine" speech the last time one of my friends gave it during his final bout of depression. It was too late to do anything but mourn the loss by the time we figured out he was lying.

5. It's okay to step back -- I once had a friend who was a walking pity party. Every conversation was about her and whatever issue she was having at the time. Even if she had to reach back 20 years into her childhood to find something to bitch about. (She also had a habit of getting into bad situations because life without drama was apparently intolerable to her.) In the 15 years it took me to completely burn out, I don't think we had more than three conversations where I didn't kick myself for responding to her text or email. Sound familiar?

This is not an example of a healthy, supportive relationship. It was a one-sided association with an emotional vampire who drained me until I had nothing left to give. 

On the other hand, I have depressed friends who share very little. They know they can be honest with me when they're having a rough time. Even so, they are very aware of how much they're sharing, how hard they're leaning on me for support, and how often.

I tell you these things for two reasons. First, to illustrate that there's a difference between attention-seeking drama addicts and people suffering from depression. Those are two separate mental health issues.

Second, to tell you that there's no shame in admitting you can't give anymore. Respect your own limitations. If the relationship is becoming unhealthy for you, be honest about it. You shouldn't have to feel like you're drowning in negativity in an effort to support someone else. That won't do either of you any good. Take a break. Encourage them to visit a counselor or join a depression support group (yes, they have those!). Give them the number for a crisis hotline and suggest they talk to a trained professional. 

Hell, call the hotline yourself and ask for advice on what to do. Those folks are trained to do more than talk people out of suicide. They are an incredible source of expert advice for both the people suffering and those trying to help them.

You don't have to be on alert all the time to be a good friend to your depressed loved one. A standing appointment to meet for coffee and have an honest check in with them is a perfectly acceptable plan. Remember, it's not your job to fix them or even hold them up. You can listen. You can support. You can encourage, but the real solution lies with professional help.





*I am not a mental health professional. All opinions come from the perspective of someone who lives with a mental health issue. If you or someone you love is in trouble, contact one of the following crisis lines:

I'm Alive crisis chat line (visit https://www.imalive.org to chat)
Suicide Prevention hotline (800-800-273-TALK (8255) or Text "HELP" to 741-741)

Suicide Is Not a Four-Letter Word #mentalhealthmatters #suicide

Have you noticed how fast public concern spreads when there’s an epidemic? Remember the Ebola virus in 2014? The international community exploded in panic. For weeks, the virus dominated headlines of every major news source. Experts from around the world jumped in to find effective treatments and implement preventative measures.

Why does that only happen with physical illness? 

In the US, we’re in the midst of an epidemic that has caused more deaths than any virus. Yet few people discuss it.

Did you know, someone in the States takes their own life every 12 minutes? That’s 5 preventable deaths an hour. 120 deaths a day. 44,000 deaths a year. Every year. Those rates are steadily climbing, and studies of suicide contagion (aka suicide clusters) prove exposure can be as deadly as any disease.

So why aren’t we talking about it?

The only time this topic ever gets serious discussion is after the fact, and the comments are far from productive. Harsh judgment and criticism about the deceased being weak and cowardly only push others suffering from suicidal ideation into the shadows, making them less likely to seek help.

In other words, every round of public condemnation ensures someone else will die. We need to change the discussion and doing so is easier than you think.

Here are three simple things you can do to help build a more productive, less lethal conversation about suicide:

1. Exercise compassion - Regardless of how each person comes to the decision to die, the answer to the haunting question "why" is always the same: because they were in so much emotional pain, they couldn't think of any other way to make it stop. They often feel worthless, like a burden, like everyone they know would be better off without them. These aren’t people who deserve ridicule.

Even more important is that the deceased can’t read the callous words left online by strangers. Their family and friends, however, can. Imagine how it feels to be in the middle of mourning a crushing loss and read comments attacking the person you love.

Please, think before you post.

2. Don’t be afraid to say the word - People tend to treat the subject of suicide the same way they do teenage sex. If you talk about it, you’ll put ideas in someone's head. WRONG. Trust me, someone who is suffering enough to want to end their life has already thought of it. Several times.

Giving someone who is suicidal the space to talk about what they’re feeling can release some of the toxic emotions. That’s why suicide hotlines work. The counselors listen without judgment, without condemnation, and give people the freedom to say things they don’t feel they can say to anyone else. Those moments of release are lifesaving.

If you suspect someone you love might be suicidal, ask the question! 

3. It’s not all the same - Many people don’t realize that depression is not a static condition. It’s a spectrum. A person’s place on that spectrum depends on many things and can change over time. That often means what works to control your depression won’t work for someone else.

I saw a flurry of comments about this several months ago, bloggers and public figures alike claiming that depression is easy to control because they’ve had it for years and they’re still alive. It’s an ignorant theory used to publicly condemn anyone who ends up so far down the spectrum that they consider taking their own life.

If all depression were the same, everyone would be on the same treatment plan, using the same drugs, with the same results. That’s not how it works. Some can control their depression with CBD oil and meditation. Some are on the strongest prescriptions available and still struggle to survive each day. I personally know people who fit into both categories and several points in between.

When someone says they’re hurting, recognize that they might be in a different place on the spectrum than you are. Being in crisis doesn’t mean they’re weak. It means they need help and that help may come in a form you have never used yourself.

 

As the saying goes, you don't know what someone else is dealing with. Especially if they’re determined to hide it. It’s best to approach these situations with empathy. Both out of respect for the person who ended their life and for the sake of the poor emotionally destroyed people they left behind. Ones who might be struggling in the grip of suicide contagion, a single harsh word away from ending it all.

If we can change the conversation about suicide to one of compassion and healing, we can save lives. I hope you’ll join me.